Sabishi?

Since I came back to Taiwan, I thought many things. I finally experienced the feeling of sabishi. I really want to find the answer, but I don't know whether does the answer exist or not. Whether people would forget what they pursue when they grow up? When I was four years old, I wanted to grow up in a day. In this way, I could hold something I eager always. I loved to draw the house, because I want to live the house I drew. However, I could not find a one for drawing the house until I am not longer a child.
I still like to take a walk in early morning or night alone, and then watch the stars and clouds. Just every time I see the architecture, I feel that I lose something sense. Someone woke my childhood memory up. 僕は矛盾した人。